the Feeling of loosing my Son

As salaamou Alikum Wa Rahmatuallahi wa Barakatuhu, This is hard to write and Even harder to think about it like 3:35am,and I woke up  with something in my Thoat and left with thoughts if Ibraheem. I set and Type this is Tears because I'm trying to Heal and maintain my strength but it seems. a look a thought even hearing babies Makes me ball out cry. I Feel broken and Sick I held My Dead Little Ibraheem and at first i could not but all saw was Ismail in his face. but before I even looked at him I closed my eyes the night b4 and saw his Face and cried out of sleep. I had to Deliver Him vaginally i had to push my IbraHeem out that was not easy and I thought Oh Allaah is there chance for him to breathe but as i Held his lifeless body i Saw my self i saw My nose,My Lips ,Al so My husband. I don't know Lesson i'm to learn from this but I'm Proud to have been Ibraheem Mother and i will never forget him.I talked to him Read to him the Quran. This is the baby Allah bestowed to me And Praises be to Allaah for that. to the All the people who Came to my aide and comforted me though this May Allah bless you I never felt so much support from my Islamic Family or my family and Friends. I don't know how to thank you. Myhusbad had to carry Ibraheem to his Janazah he told me it was honor to hold his baby and give him his rights. The Masjid made the Process Easier i didn't know what to do but i knew i wanted No autopsy to know why i left to Allah Ass wal Jal. I had sister there @ Ibrahim Birth my husband came after he didn't want to see too much. Omg I miss Ibraheem so bad the tears want stop that come so often i feel to ball up and never stand again, but i know i have too i have Allaah, husband and Ismail to stand for ...... Theyy gave me a Keep sake box that hold his hat and a Blanket and a foot Mold. And a Picture which i didn't want this box makes it hard to cope. it can't be close to me i give it to my Mother. It was nice of them but this box is nothing to Keep for me. it bad enough i have his baby clothing sort though and Touch how will touch them. HOW!!!!!!!!!!! My God I feel broken in too i Feel like a Weak ball of flesh but here I stand. I think of Ismail and how i'm blessed to have him and to have ibraheem only for a little while. Now i to focus on other things and Remain Firm upon Islam, this thought me one thing life goes quick but we have to keep Allah first and remain steadfast,Emotionally any hearing of babies makes my heart sink but i have move on. I Loved Ibraheem from the day i saw  the positive sign and I will always. Please keep my family in your duaa I'm trying to hold on but Feel i will slip off sometime or some hour in deep saddness. SO help me keep going insha alllaah. I have never felt loss like this but I regret nothing Allah have bestowed on me as Muslim I had 33 weeks with my son and those were the best Masha allah. I love you Ibraheem i love you Ismail I love you Muhammad and I Love all of you your my family. Ibraheem Ibn Muhammad Issa was Still born October 11, 2009,@ Greenville Mem.Hospital....  Inna Iilahi wa ilaihi wa Rajoon May Grant my Son Jennah ameen I Jazaka Allahu Khair Ummismail